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  • Writer's pictureHeather Mattoon


I’m laying here in bed next to Mia who’s laying here in bed on a pile of papers sent from IHSS.

An offshoot of Medi Cal insurance which offers assistance for people in need of help at their home because of a disability or an illness.

I applied almost 2 years ago and yesterday was finally linked up with someone who can help. She starts tomorrow.

For as long as I can remember I’ve been paying someone around $18 an hour to help me a few times a week to vacuum, help with dishes, composting and gardening, laundry, making my bed, sweeping the floors, keeping the place fresh etc. etc.

There’s no way I can manage all of that on my own and simultaneously save energy for my strength and healing.

Perhaps I could’ve saved that money.. perhaps I’d have enough to buy myself a home to move to at the end of October.

Incredible all of the twists and turns of events that test us to remain resilient.

I have three months left in this house.

I have to save as much money as I can to see where I can move to when the time comes.

I'm going to start listing things on this website for sale.

This website will morph into my moving process site.

It’s unfamiliar for me to try and plan for something that I can’t envision in my head where it is that I’m going.

Will my cats join me or find a loving home to continue on within.

Mia and Edgar have been with me for 11 years and they seem to mirror my emotions most days.

Lately we’ve been laying around a lot and sleeping, depressed? No. We're in the zero point. Still and waiting.

Something positive happens to your immune system when you know that someone is coming to help you.

You can be alone and confused and overwhelmed and as soon as you know that help is on the way, your body starts to heal again.

It’s been a long wait and I feel depleted, but I truly hope that the assistance starting tomorrow allows me to save and utilize all of the forms of energy for my next space.

I want to be growing food, on a higher elevation, swimming with the sun, amongst a healthy community with affordable home costs. Is this possible? It has to be.

I’m starting to have a clearer vision just from writing that but I still don’t know where it is.

I do know for certain that I want to live, I want to love and I want to help.

I want to nurture, I want to nature and bring it all back home.

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