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  • Writer's pictureHeather Mattoon


Updated: Mar 12, 2021

I am realizing that when I am overstimulated, I get overwhelmed and knocked off my center which results in usually, a period of depression and anxiety until I can find my way back to a strong footed stance.

The tricky thing for me is that...

I enjoy things!

and life and experiences and interacting with people and building relationships and on and on. However, as I get pulled into all of the activity and observation and expansion

I start to feel too much for my sensitive system to handle, to process and then I burnout!

So, as it goes, with my open processing that I like to do.

By sharing the struggle that I am experiencing, I hope truly that it in turn can be helpful to you somehow too.

This is my work and I am learning how to dedicate myself more toward that.

This is where my energy is. In learning and growing and sharing.

So, in sharing this what do we do?

What do I do so that I can maintain a sustainable balanced experience in life.

I go through a lot of challenge and I really benefit from staying centered and strong.

When I become overstimulated and overwhelmed and then burnt out, its almost like I forget my mission and fall under a spell of hypnosis.

The depression and anxiety that I feel is a signal from my subconscious and my body, telling me that I need to correct some things and start feeling better again.

But the hypnosis from the emotions are confusing.

Instead of just hearing and feeling the signal come in and then acting accordingly, I get sidetracked and begin slow dancing with sorrow.

I bring out old stories of pain to embellish, like opening up an old photo album, drinking wine and lamenting over lost love kind of thing.

That's a metaphor though, Im not actually doing that exactly , but its similar!

I feel hypnotized when I really just need to rest so that I can catch up on my processing from what I've been overstimulated from!

And instead, the fog of despair invites more emotional trauma in to be sorted through whenever that starts to happen!

Fortunately, I am becoming more aware, and I can see when things are going the wrong way.

I say..."hey now, come back here and focus."

And then I have to pull myself out.

From hypnosis to gnosis.

One thing that has been not been helping my resting and processing so that I can be balanced again... is distraction

I am a little ashamed to say that I have been a bit too easily distracted by social media.

And making up stories in my mind, and adding fuel to any thing I may be entertaining, to stay in the slow dance.

So I am making a serious effort right now not to go there.

To not compulsively turn to my ipad to look at images and zone out. To unknowingly add more junk to my psyche to have to sort through later.

When I interrupt the compulsion to zone out with social media, the internet, whatever, when I stop that action, I have to feel. And I know why I would want to avoid that, it's a lot!

I have to feel that maybe I am crying inside. That maybe I need a bath. That I need a warm nourishing meal and a hug. That I need to breath better and stretch for my body.

So that I can energize my body so it can heal and we can continue on.

This is a lot to face.

I have all of the energy to do these beautiful and caring things, but its physically hard to even get up out of bed.

This is a lot for me.

Everyday I have to remain dedicated to treating myself well. Or it slips. I slip.

And then I need a lot longer and a lot more effort to come back.

Where is that sustainable rhythm?

It is a very fine line.

I know what it is for myself and I have to honor it.

When things or people around me are asking for my participation, I really have to go slow.

But I get so excited!!

I have hyper mania bipolar brain chemistry issues.

I manage it with healthy nutrition and proper stress management and rest.

All of this is so delicately balanced.

I need to write my way through it.

I will write more soon.

Getting up to check on the soup I am making in the kitchen.

Thank you for reading.

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